Two Bomb Plots Averted
John Calvin Jones
2007-02-27 | permalink | comment (2) | feedback |

Saved from terror lotion

I looked high and low, but saw nothing in the mainstream news.  Such is typical.  Whenever the Department of Homeland Security and the TSA do their job, all we see is nothing … life goes on as normal, plastic baggies and all.  I was an eye-witness.  Thanks to the efforts of ingenious and vigilant law enforcement, witty enough to invoke or apply unwritten and arbitrary rules against those who look suspicious, I know that at least two bomb plots were prevented.  And though the jihadists were allowed to board airplanes, I am sure that these Arabs were under the watchful eyes of air marshals.  To the men and women of uniform in this time of need, especially in the backwater towns, I salute you.

Sleepy town, sleepy flight

In Brownsville, Texas, with an airport with two gates, the crack staff of the TSA prevented a swarthy character from carrying his luggage onto the plane.  What was the near-fatal crisis?  The man attempted to bring toothpaste and skin lotion in containers that were, hold your breath, larger than three ounces (85ml).  The signs were posted everywhere and this would be terrorist, ready to board a 5:20 am flight, was trying to slip a fast one by those in whom we travelers entrust our very lives.

But I was bothered by a couple of events that transpired after the contraband jumbo containers of toothpaste and lotion were detected.  The man had the audacity to ask if he could carry on three containers of the lotion and or 17 tubes of toothpaste that were less than three ounces.  And the TSA folks ANSWERED him.  Not only did they answer, but the answer was YES!

Good night, these TSA officials, who had so daftly averted a possible hijacking or bombing of our plane, just gave away a national security secret to the terrorists.  “Bring the flammables, like lighter fluid or sterno in many small containers, fraudulently displaying labels like 'baby lotion' or toothpaste.”

Who is asleep at the wheel?

After they gave Haji the information he needed for a future act of terrorism, and let him put the contraband jumbo containers in a bag that he then checked (acting just like a regular passenger – that is how they operate), the TSA folks told Abdul that he could proceed to security again!  Though TSA might have decided to take a nap after round one with the terrorist bomb plotter, I was glad to see a member of the Brownsville police standing guard.  At least one law enforcement officer was on his toes – just surveying the scene and ready to pounce on any sign of irregularity.  And there would be an irregularity, big time!

When the “enemy of the state” pulled out his lap top computer and prepared to place it in one of those bins (which could use some advertisements, that gray just brings me down), a very nice, respectable White man, took Haji’s bin.  Though Haji did not say a word to the White man, old Abdul did get testy – he grabbed another bin, put his computer in it, and while glaring at the White man – who suddenly noticed that a terrorist was in front of him, Haji slid his computer onto the conveyor belt of that X-ray-like machine.  Did anyone from TSA complain that Haji was out of line?  Of course not.  Apparently they cannot see a terrorist from a mile away.  But our hero in blue jumped up and told that Islamo-fascist, “That is the SECOND time you messed up.”  The 5’2” completely secure with his station cop continued, “if you got a problem, you’re not going on this flight!”  When the “trained to lie al Qaeda member” tried to point to some White man who had rightfully taken Haji’s bin, the cop had enough – first telling Haji that he was going to be arrested if he continued to talk back, and then, after Mr. al Qaeda shut his yap, the cop turned to TSA agents and asked, “are you gonna let this guy fly?”

Yes sir, finally I had seen with my own eyes, a terror plot foiled.  Recall, Haji’s act had all the signs of a terrorist.  He called attention to himself, and followed the rules, but acted inappropriately by asking people if the rules made sense.  Send him to Gitmo, or at least put him on the no fly list.

But just when I could feel safe, the TSA screener told the cop – who tried to save my life – “he’s okay.”  The next thing I know, Haji is getting on my plane.  Talk about giving aid and comfort to the enemy.  Come to think of it, a lot of those TSA agents in Brownsville look like illegal immigrants.  If I were working with al Qaeda, I would definitely infiltrate the TSA.  My agents would be on the inside; they could plant stuff on unsuspecting White passengers, let our operatives fly with impunity… really gum up the system.  But I bet the FBI and Homeland Security has that all figured out.

Another morning flight, another close call with death

Though I have always been told, lightning never strikes twice, I have come to learn that in the world of terrorism, Islamo-fascists, and the fact that they hate us for our freedom – including our freedom to throw away coffee at airports and to “pack it or leave it at home,” I cannot tell you how lucky I was that TSA agents in Duluth, Minnesota, are trickier than your average bomb plotter.

If you have not flown commercial lately, I must tell you that the TSA has instituted new rules that make us the most hijack-proof nation in the world.  Well even if over 150 other nations have not had any terrorist hijackings since 9/11 without using our system, I bet they really do not have planes worth hijacking.

Anyway, here are the rules that prevent all kinds of high-jinks.  Not only is one forbidden from bringing anything in a carry-on bag that is a liquid, cream, or gel (laws of physics about solid and gaseous states notwithstanding) that is in a container larger than 3.4 ounces (about 93ml – at least that was the rule in Duluth, while the rule in Brownsville is 3 ounces – but who cares), one must place any small vials or containers in a clear plastic bag (which may or may not be inside your carry-on bag, which does not have to be see through). 

Note, you cannot just place a two ounce bottle of scented oil or perfume in a purse or fanny pack, you MUST put them in a plastic baggie.  I was told, via their silence to my query, that forcing folks to have that EXTRA plastic bag, stops the terrorists every time (even if Islamo-facists can get on the planes anyway).

Never mind, back to the rules.  Once you have placed your appropriately sized container in an appropriately manufactured plastic, dioxin filled, receptacle and must declare to the TSA that you possess such items, before you pass through the metal detector.  (At least that is the rule in Duluth, but not in Brownsville.  Like I said, they are probably a bunch of illegal aliens and al Qaeda has infiltrated the TSA on the U.S.-Mexican border). 

Now here is the brilliant nature of the TSA plot and terrorist screening technique.  Because Haji will not understand English, he will not “declare” his toothpaste or soap or conditioner (like Haji’s wearing turbans ever wash or condition their hair – the Arabs must think that we are so stupid), then TSA officials can seize the bomb materials.  For the rest of us blue-blooded Americans, we can be trusted with the explosives, like matches, small containers with lighter fluid, three ounces of ammonium nitrate, and other necessities.

How do I know this is true – I saw it in action!  In Duluth the TSA was on the ball.  A female pre-screener kept yelling, “nothing over 3.4 ounces.”  But she did not talk about declaring anything.  I saw some Haji, acting like he just got out of bed (an obvious ruse, it was quarter to 7 am and I had been up for over an hour), just walking in the line, ready to place all his items for inspection on the conveyor.  Not once did anyone say “you must declare all containers of liquid, soap, gel, etc.”  So coy!  As Haji’s bag entered the X-ray thingamabob, the TSA jumped on him, pulled his bag off the belt and it was over to secondary.  After that debacle in Brownsville, I trusted that these good White people of Duluth would stop Mr. al Qaeda from ever threatening us again. 

Secondary screens, third-rate logic

“You must declare all items,” said the TSA agent.  Haji kept saying he did not understand and that he did not have anything over 3oz.  That gave him away.  Only a terrorist would try to sneak something, like soap, that one could bring on a plane – if they only follow the rules!  But the Islamo-fascists are looking for weak links, any advantage.  So the TSA has to be tough.

The TSA man told Haji what the score was, “Now that we saw your non-bomb materials, but you did not declare them (before passing through the metal detector) you must go back in line, and get re-screened, but you cannot bring the soaps, oils and lotions on the plane.”  Haji wanted to declare his stuff after he was screened – nice try Osama.  It does not work that way.  As the TSA man let everyone within earshot know, it does not matter that the written rule says that one ONLY need declare things that are both larger than 3oz and not in a plastic bag, because he is the supervisor and he makes the rules.

I figured that with Haji’s complaints that no one said he had to declare his vials of soap or body oil before he passed the metal detector, and that because they were in a plastic bag and under 3oz. and that he complied with the written rules, he would get arrested.  The cops move in and then… all they did was make Mr. al Qaeda throw away $40 worth of toiletries.  They told Mr. al Qaeda to settle down and get on the plane, and he did!

Thoughts about the next hijack attempt

I had the displeasure of sitting near Haji during the flight.  Maybe he was not planning to hijack the plane - overtly, but he stunk to high heaven.  I figure that is the master plan for these al Qaeda cells.  They will overwhelm our olfactory senses by neglecting to bathe – subtle, but smart.  How did Bush put it, “our enemy never stops thinking of ways to hurt us, and neither do we.”  If the TSA is going to continue to take Haji’s soap or scented oils, only to let them fly, maybe the TSA should hose them down, threaten to bathe them in pigs blood or give them a special section in the back of the plane.

John Calvin Jones
2007-02-27 | permalink | comment (2) | feedback | Digg This! |

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